Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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