I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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