are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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