Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
