If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
