I accidentally had phone sex last night
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
