Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
