you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
