you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
