I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
