just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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