Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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