The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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