he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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