i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
