Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm always down for nudity.
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