We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
