Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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