Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He shit in the fireplace
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
