I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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