while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
