you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
