I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
