Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
