you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
