my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My balls are so social today.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dear god my vagina.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
