I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
