just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize