the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
