Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
