She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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