So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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