Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
