im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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