I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
