***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
