Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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