im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
