I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
