Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
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I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
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I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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