I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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