the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
