Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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