That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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