Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
