Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I think i got beer on your cat.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
