I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
