you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize