I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
too bad you live with your parents still
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
