So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
