I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
