I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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