i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
