Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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