I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
