if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
