My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
time to smoke my breakfast
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize