I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
