he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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