I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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