Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
