i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
