I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.