what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
