I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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