My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
