too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
