Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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