He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
