first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
