I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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