Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
